mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found a bag of teeth...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
