Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
