Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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