just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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