I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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