We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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