Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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