You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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