I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
