his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
