big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
