I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
