It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
