he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?