sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand