she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.