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And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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