I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now