I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
