You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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