I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
