i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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