I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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