Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
