youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
