dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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