New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize