he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
