hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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