The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize