There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
