He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
