I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
