Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
