Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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