As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
