So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
