I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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