I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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