My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
