Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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