Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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