You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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