The maid of honor just puked.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
