Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
