This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
