I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
