carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
