I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
