This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
