one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize