Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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