my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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