so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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