I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
