eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My feet surprised me
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