my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
