did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
