i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This baby is an asshole
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
