Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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