I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
