so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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