The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I touched a dick in church today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
