Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
